Stop Convincing, Start Owning

Your Communication Is Your Evidence

If you work in sales, if you're an entrepreneur, if any part of your day depends on getting someone else to buy in — with their money or their time — this one is for you. Here's the moment I'm talking about. You can feel it coming. The conversation is going well, and then you start creeping toward the part where you have to ask for the commitment and name your price. And suddenly you're not even present anymore. You're sitting there with this low hum of impending doom, rehearsing. Maybe you overthink it. Maybe you overexplain. Maybe you discount yourself before they even ask — all in the name of getting them to say yes. I've done all three. So today we're talking about how to have those conversations in a way that exudes confidence and actually shows your worth. And to be clear, this isn't just for people in a traditional sales role. Anytime you're offering something and you want someone to commit to you — including in your personal relationships — this matters. It's about standing firm in who you are and letting the conversation itself be evidence of the value you know you hold.

Your Communication Is Your Evidence

Here's the whole idea in one line: how you communicate your value is evidence of what you actually believe about it. The pitch. The pricing conversation. The ask. All of it reveals whether you truly believe in what you're offering. And when you have a tendency to discount, to overexplain, or — if you're like how I used to be — to shrink, that's evidence too. So the real work happens before the conversation ever starts. Get so clear on your value that you can state it with confidence, without questioning, second-guessing, or negotiating it in real time.

The Listing I Talked Myself Out Of

Let me tell you about a time I got this exactly wrong. A few years back, I was still fairly new to the listing side of real estate. Listings are different from working with buyers — you basically get one shot. You go in, you do your presentation, and the goal is to walk out with their commitment. I was nervous. I remember telling my team leader, "What if they ask how many houses I've sold?" Which, looking back, was really just evidence that I didn't trust myself. The home was in a neighborhood on the outskirts of Fort Worth — and I actually had an active listing in that same neighborhood at the time. If you're not from Texas, our neighborhoods can hold a huge range of prices. My listing there was in the mid-400s. This home, they were hoping to list closer to 700 or 800. Here's the thing: I had done deals at that price point with buyers. I'd listed and sold homes. I had the skills, the knowledge, the resources. But I walked in already anticipating the commission conversation and quietly panicking about how I'd get them to choose me — especially once they told me the other agent they were interviewing had sent a fancy introduction box and had experience at that price point. So we got to the close — that's the moment you ask for the commitment. And when they said they wanted time to think, I blurted out, "Well, commission's flexible… we could do a lower one." In my head, that discount was going to win them over. What I was actually telling them, with my own words, was: I don't think I'm worth the full commission we discussed. I didn't get the listing. When I followed up, they told me they went with the other agent because of his experience. And that was the lesson. They were never worried about cost. They wanted someone who could do the job and get them to their goal — and I'd just handed them evidence that I wasn't sure I was that person.

Scarcity Convinces. Abundance States.

That instinct to discount and overexplain comes from a place of lack. From not fully knowing your value. When you operate from scarcity, you feel like you have to convince. You drop your price. You overexplain. You avoid the commitment conversation. You chase. You defend. And you get so busy grabbing that you look up and realize you're not even grabbing the things that align with the person you want to be — you're grabbing out of fear that there won't be enough. Abundance is different. You state your value. You stand firm in what you offer and what you're asking for in return. And — as uncomfortable as this is — you let it hang. You let them choose. "I don't have to convince you to work with me. I can tell you what I do, and you can decide." Two things make that easier to live out. First, it is not your job to assume what someone will or won't pay, or how they'll commit. That's their decision to make, not yours to pre-decide for them. Scarcity has you guessing which terms will earn a yes. Abundance just says, "Here's what I do," and trusts that the people who see the value won't have a problem committing. Second — and this one takes courage — you are not for everyone. I know not everyone is a good fit for my coaching. I know I'm not the right realtor for every client. So my job is never to convince someone to work with me. It's to be so clear about my unique value that they can make a confident decision either way. The moment you water yourself down to attract more people, you start attracting the wrong ones. The shift is from trying to get the yes to figuring out whether it's actually a good fit — and letting them choose. That shift is monumental.

Your Value Was Never the Tasks

I'll be honest — I still get little seeds of doubt here, especially with everything AI can do now. A lot of us built our sense of value on the information we had access to or the tasks we could perform. And when technology can do those tasks, or when everyone has access to the same information, it's easy to ask, "So what's my value now?" Here's the good news: your value was never the tasks or the information. Your value is unique to you. And this moment is actually a gift, because it forces us to get clear on what that really is. I saw this play out with two of my coaching clients, both real estate agents trying to win new business in a tough market. Both had real value — they just weren't leading with it yet. When I asked what they were bringing, they told me things like setting up an MLS search or running a CMA — and they were leading with that, to people who hadn't even committed yet. So I pushed back. "Why lead with the thing technology can do? What makes you you?" Both first landed on "I like to help people." Okay — but how? One of them, once we dug in, was a connector. Her whole life reflects it; she loves meeting people and linking this person to that person for that goal. The other had a deep pull toward helping the elderly buy and sell — and her life explains it. She cares for her widowed mother, became the oldest after losing her older brother, and has quietly carried a lot of her family. Her real estate work is full of older clients downsizing or moving into care. That is their value. That's what they should lead with, because no technology can replicate it — and neither of them was saying it out loud.

When You Lead With Value, the Price Comes Second

Here's what changes when you lead with the value that's unique to you. When you get to the commitment — signing the agreement, naming your fee — the price becomes secondary. You've already shown them what working with you gives them. And if that's aligned with what matters to them, they aren't going to fixate on the cost. They're going to feel inspired that you can get them where they want to go. That's the driving force behind the yes. And the no's? The "I don't know"s? Those are fine too. They just might not be your people. When you communicate your value clearly and keep coming back to it, both of you get to figure out the fit honestly. This is bigger than real estate. Anywhere you're telling someone who you are and hoping they'll commit — a client, a customer, even a friend — clarity about your value is the game-changer. It's what lets you stop convincing and start owning.

A Question to Sit With

What area of your life are you explaining, overthinking, discounting, or even avoiding — when what you really need to do is own it? Own who you are. Own your value. And communicate it clearly.

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